


at three

by f_luorescence



Series: HWH Summer Bingo [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Birthday, Chae Hyungwon/Shin Hoseok | Wonho - Freeform, Depression, HWHbingo, HyungWonho - Freeform, M/M, Self-Harm, This hurts, hello, just a psa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 07:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11100267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/f_luorescence/pseuds/f_luorescence
Summary: Not everybody likes to celebrate their birthday. Hyungwon is one of them.





	at three

**Author's Note:**

> this may hurt. a lot. just letting u know. 
> 
> anyway, this is my second entry for the HWH Summer Bingo yayayayayay

Hyungwon never liked celebrating his birthday for more reasons than he can count with his fingers. Hell, the strands of hair on his head wouldn't even suffice. Why does it have to come, anyway? It isn't like anyone really remembers; either that or nobody just cares. He never told anyone, it isn't important, and besides, they never ask. He doesn't want to bother his friends, and they're probably getting tired of him by now. He's always sleeping; he doesn't hang out with any of them anymore; and he's always frowning. He misses them (he misses being happy), _but it's better this way,_ Hyungwon thinks, at least he can sleep and be with himself.

Hyungwon both likes and hates being alone-- alone with his thoughts. He is able to think and reflect on things, but he has to pay the price: he is haunted by his demons every time he is left alone, and they are shouting, they are screaming at him. He tries covering his ears, but they are still there, loud and clear.

Suddenly, everything is silent-- there is not a sound to be heard, and it's almost as deafening as the voices screaming before. He is submerged in a bathtub full of water. Everything is white and pure until his vision is tainted with red. _Ah, so this is it,_ he thinks, _I guess my time is up_.

His phone rings, disrupting his dream. Although some would consider dying in a dream a nightmare, he thinks it is a great dream. It doesn't stop ringing, and Hyungwon considers throwing it out the window, but he remembers that he doesn't have enough money to buy a new one. He answers the call.

"What?"

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Hoseok asks from the other line, and Hyungwon can just see the guilt in his hyung's face right now.

"Yeah, what is it?" He asks, wishing for the conversation to end already. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to the brunet, in fact, he likes talking to him, and he is absolutely thankful that he met him two years ago; he just really doesn't want to talk to anybody.

He stares at the clock hanging on his blank grey wall, the seconds arm passing by the number _1... 2... 3... 4..._

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. A minute after three p.m., eight hours and fifty-nine minutes before the day ends.

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. Hoseok is asking him something but he doesn't hear it. All he can hear is the ticking of the clock, and the ringing in his skull.

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. The phone call ends but he doesn't hear Hoseok's confession. He stands up and goes to the bathroom.

 _Ticktock, ticktock._ Eight minutes after three p.m., and Hyungwon is staring back at an empty vessel in the mirror. It is trapped inside.

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. The vessel is gone, and the mirror is broken. There is blood on his hands but he doesn't mind. He believes he freed the prisoner in the mirror.

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. The ticking of the clock slows down but the punching on the wall speeds up.

_Ticktock, ticktock. Ticktock, ticktock. Ticktock, ticktock._

_TICKTOCK, TICKTOCK._

_TICKTOCK, TICKTOCK._

_TICKTOCK, TICKTOCK_.

Hyungwon can hear the ticking of the clock loud and clear, but he doesn't hear the front door opening and the padding of the steps inside his apartment.

 _Ticktock, ticktock._ Twenty-three minutes after three p.m., Hoseok finds him on the bathroom floor. He is panicking. Hyungwon is calm.

Hoseok opens the cabinet under the bathroom sink, he gets the first aid kit out. He sits Hyungwon on the toilet and crouches in front of him. He winces when he sees the cuts on the younger's knuckles.

"Yah," Hoseok calls out as he carefully removes the shards of glass from Hyungwon's hands, tears threatening to fall. He feels his chest tighten when he glances up briefly, the taller male showing no expression at all. "You're such an idiot." He wipes his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt. "Ah, why are my eyes wet? It's so hot in here." He lets out a shaky laugh.

The raven-haired boy just stares at him.

Hoseok cleans the cuts and the blood on Hyungwon's hands with cotton and alcohol. Hyungwon's face twitches slightly from the pain, but he still makes no sound as the brown-haired boy in front of him continues to give him first aid.

"If... if you wanted to punch something, you should've told me. I would've volunteered to be your punching bag. You can punch me as long and as hard as you want. Punch me until you feel okay; just... please punch me instead," Hoseok pleads, his lips quivering from the hurt he is feeling. "Now look at your hands, I can't even hold it properly even if I want to."

He finishes the bandage quietly, gently kissing both of Hyungwon's hands, careful not to hurt him. He stands up and hugs the younger male, Hyungwon's head pressed against his stomach.

"I'm sorry." Hyungwon sobs, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably. "I am so, so sorry. I'm--" he chokes, his crying getting incredibly impossible to control.

Hyungwon is a burden. He is the quarter that sits heavy inside your pocket. He is the receipt that hides in your backpack. He is the tumor that corrupts your brain.

Hyungwon is unwanted. He is an empty bag that no one wants. He is a discarded handkerchief that no one picks up. He is a pair of worn-out shoes that no one fits. He is every piece of trash thrown out.

Hyungwon is unhappy.

"Ssshh." Hoseok tightens his arms around Hyungwon's shoulders. He assures him, a hand patting his head, "you don't have to apologize, it's okay. It's going to be okay." He bites his lip to stop himself from crying, he has to be strong. He has to be strong for Hyungwon.

 _Ticktock, ticktock_. Four minutes after four p.m., seven hours and fifty-six minutes before the day ends.

 _Ticktock, ticktock._ Hyungwon and Hoseok are lying on Hyungwon's bed. Hoseok has his arms around Hyungwon.

 _Ticktock, ticktock._ Hoseok greets Hyungwon a happy birthday.

"Happy birthday, Hyungwonnie."

**Author's Note:**

> ok just want to make things clear here hehe im not saying that a man / a significant other will "cure" someone's depression. in fact, what i want to show here is that people like them need support, especially from people they love. they need someone they can talk to and can understand when they dont want to. 
> 
> anyways, if u ever need someone to talk to, hmu @softwonhu


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